You know I was having coffee with a friend and we were discussing Kae’s situation in terms of the impending divorce. I mentioned how many times my daughter has said to me, “all I want is a marriage like you and dad have”. That comment got me to thinking about how you get a good, solid, respectful, safe and happy marriage.
It also got me to thinking about how when Kae and W took their vows I’m almost certain she only hoped that it would be a solid marriage but she didn’t know it would be! She wasn’t certain, but she pushed those thoughts aside. Now there are many contributing factors to a “good” marriage but when abuse is already taking place I think we would all agree it’s not going to be one of those!
Had she shared about W’s abusive behavior before the wedding I’m certain her dad and I would’ve seriously had her reconsider going into this marriage. You know her alcohol use was normal before she was in this relationship….I wonder, of course if it will be normal when the divorce is final and she can move on…..And as of now she is doing great!
So what makes a good marriage? Trust, respect, a sense of humor, honesty, flexibility, kindness, generosity, willingness to help, understanding, compassion. To me those are all important. Feeling safe too, and she didn’t, but we didn’t know.
They went for counseling before the wedding day – a few times and had the priest convinced that they had their act together and were good candidates for marriage. W had us convinced too….I mean there were occasional smart ass comments, or odd little things but we had no idea what was to come.
Now I am thinking she was hoping and she did know….she knew it might not last….but hoped it would. I am hopeful that the next time she finds a man and is proposed to (I am confident this will happen sometime in the future) that she will know for certain it is right and good and can simply hope that she doesn’t trip going down the aisle!
So much to think about.