There are days where Kae seems like the person I know – have know all her life…other days….I scratch my head wondering who is this person? Lately it seems she has a handle on her alcohol use…I don’t live with her so I guess I’ll never know for sure but she seems lucid and sober. What baffles me is the choices she makes and her lack of self motivation.
It’s almost impossible for me to believe that she is actively searching for a job. Is she too picky? Her Dad and I can’t imagine that she won’t get a job that brings in some money and would still allow her to search for that perfect, big dollar dream job. Ok – one day a week she has a lovely job that could turn into more…meantime there are 6 other days in the week and that leaves plenty of opportunity for another part time job. Sadly, I don’t understand.
My daughter has always been self motivated but lately she doesn’t seem to have it in her. I know with a sentencing date for W approaching – like less than a week away – that is weighing on her mind. A divorce that has just begun and still only a very, very part time job…She has waaaaaay too much time to think about everything. Maybe she simply can’t find the band-width to get up off her butt and take care of filling out forms for attorneys, picking up her house, folding laundry, finding a job…..
I love her the same as always and am hopeful that the day will come when she is 100% back to being the girl we raised her to be…..maybe she’ll never be “THAT” person again though. Possibly, having an abusive husband took so much of her that she’ll be different. Of course, I’d never want her to be in that situation again and so there would need to be changes.
What I really think is that I have no idea exactly how she is coping with all that she is going through. What an emotional rollercoaster she is on. I try to tell myself that she’s doing the best she can under the circumstances…but I’m not always successful in convincing myself of that. Part of me wants to go visit for a few days…part of me doesn’t…
Today I’m scratching my head – tomorrow is a new day!
I think about parents who are going through something similar with an adult child. Alcohol abuse, drug abuse or other addictions that are crippling to a family. I wonder if their child has other issues creating havoc in their lives? Like an impending divorce, a domestic violence dispute and no job. Yes, Kae found a very, really part time job but seriously y’all she needs more!
My heart stays a little clinched up at the thought of all she is going through. The domestic violence charges against W will come to an end later this month. What will be his punishment? We don’t know at this time, of course, but it’s impossible not to be on edge about what the final outcome will be. You know, my heart breaks for him too – sort of – not that I think he should slide away with no consequences but I’m sad that this person chose his actions so poorly! He has stated that it was an accident that he hurt her….I don’t agree. Objects do not fly on their own. I’ll discuss it after the final court date because I’m sure regardless of the outcome it’ll take me a minute to digest it. Kae, well depending on what happens may feel confident that he was served the correct punishment. What if she doesn’t feel that way? Will it send her spiraling again?
Now this divorce – well for starters it’s freakin expensive just to get an attorney on board. My daughter pulled together the necessary funds with some creative thinking and a little help from her dad. Just a little. They say he will be hit with refunding that money to her – since he started the process – time will tell about that one. They also say there will be some spousal support for a short time. I can hear the anger in her voice that has been pent up for several months. Angry that he became too physical, too hateful, too controlling. Angry at herself for not putting a stop to it before they said “I do” or at least shortly thereafter. I pray her anger doesn’t get the best of her..She told me her attorney is black and white – this is the law – we can’t worry about feelings! I completely get it. I think she does too!
A large question looming over her and her family is what will happen when they put the house on the market and it sells? Where will she go? Wouldn’t it be comforting to know there was a regular paycheck coming in? It is scary for me and I know for her to be living on this edge…..
Arrrggghhhhh! When will it all end? I can actually see the light at the end of her tunnel. She told me she is seeing it too. The alcohol use and abuse remains a question for her family and for her too. When it’s all over will she be able to drink socially – normally? Or will she be considered an alcoholic? If you have some ideas – please share them in the comments. It’s the one unknown that weighs heaviest on my heart.
Can it be that a person goes in a downward spiral when things are out of control? When their husband is abusive, demeaning, hurtful, controlling. When they’ve been laid off and for a year can’t find employment. When their confidence and self worth are nonexistent …could it be that one turns to substance abuse to numb the fear and feelings? Could it be that when life becomes stable and safe and happy that the abuse goes away?
She is always my daughter and time will tell….