This photo depicts what I would call a “glorious day”. Wouldn’t you? Yesterday amid some struggles and heartbreak a good thing happened. I look for any tiny glimmer of hope to label it a glorious day!
In the midst of my daughter and her addiction are the beginning stages of a divorce. Is the divorce due to her use of alcohol? Maybe…is the alcohol use attributed to a lousy marriage? Maybe…There was abuse in this union they call marriage. It is sad that commitments are so easily broken when everyone settles into a marriage. Everything is peachy before “I do” is spoken. What happens after is another story completely.
My daughter and her husband, W are not trashy people. They are an educated, white collar couple. What goes on behind closed doors is appalling. Generally we don’t suspect that abuse goes on in a home such as this. But boy does it!
One fall day my daughter, Kae called and told me this story. She said, ” I was getting ready to run to the grocery store and I threw on some jeans, a sweater and my new boots. I just love these new boots and haven’t had much chance to wear them. When I went through the house to grab my purse and keys, W said, “you don’t need to wear those expensive boots just to go to the grocery store!”. Now mind you these weren’t sexy stiletto heeled boots or anything – more like a riding boot. She responded with, ” I know they’re expensive, but they won’t get ruined at the grocery store, and I don’t get to wear them much”. Bottom line is he bullied her to the point she took off the boots, threw on some tennis shoes and went about her business. W was pleased as punch – my daughter not so much. Don’t love you the way he knows what shoes she needs to wear to the store?
She felt depressed, unworthy and angry at her decision to take off the boots. BUT…when you live with an abuser you do anything to keep down the chance of more bullying or verbal bullshit. So off came those boots. Now W’s form of abuse is not the black eye -bloody nose kind. NO – it’s the verbal and emotional kind – for the most part. I speculate she picked up a couple bottles of wine while grocery shopping.
Deciding to move forward with a divorce is a messy and difficult subject. I am sharing this story a little out of order but it’ll all make sense as the stories unfold. I am claiming yesterday as a glorious one because Kae was finally able to take a big step toward separating herself from W. She set up her own, individual bank and phone accounts. She claimed it felt good but weird – weird but good. “My first step toward an official separation”, she told me with a strong sense of worth in her voice. One I haven’t heard for a long, long time.