What About All Those Other People At Rehab?

group-of-business-people-clipart-16876016-group-of-young-people

It seems there is a mass text message among the folks from rehab.  Kae spent 30 days with these people.  Some were there for alcohol abuse, most there for drugs and or a drug/alcohol combo.  After she came out she told me how much worse off all these guys and gals were due to their circumstances at home.  Most would be going home to bitter families, non-supportive and not understanding….well, I mean I don’t understand but I support her decision to detox!

Some of the people she is referring to are much younger than Kae.  Some don’t even have an invitation to go home.  They are off into never-never land equipped with whatever they grasped at rehab.  This is scary!  I mention the others from rehab as I am curious – are these people good for my daughter?  Is it normal to remain friends with those you meet in rehab?

My daughter is a very pretty young lady.  It is normal for guys to want to hang out with her and I’m sure lending a shoulder to cry on is easy when the girl is pretty.  It concerns me that she will spend time with – let’s say those guys who were detoxing from meth or opiates – will her tender and fragile state make it easy for them to suck her down that path?  She’s proven already that going back to her addiction came easily – will it for these others was well?  Am I wasting my time thinking about this?

Maybe I am worrying about something I shouldn’t.  She’s spoken some about meeting up with a group of her rehab friends – but it has not happened yet.  I don’t have any control over this situation anyway…..

Moving on…….thanks for reading!  Any comments you can contribute – especially if you have been in either situation – mine or Kae’s – could be helpful!

 

What Recovery?

sex-love-life-blogs-smitten-2011-02-01-201-pop050-Pop-art-broken-heart_ful

Recovery my ass!  Liar liar pants on fire!  That’s what I’d say to a 4 year old when I knew they were telling a lie – I’m about ready to say it to Kae because she’s become quite adept at lying.  This sickens me and shatters my heart.  Not as much for lying to me or her Dad or her friends but that she’s lying to herself!

Not out even one week and she began to drink again.  It doesn’t seem to be to the extent it was before rehab but what the hey?  30 days in rehab and recovery lasted like 3 days.  Let’s not even talk about the cost of going to a rehab facility – which I might add her insurance didn’t cover.

For the first maybe 8-10 days she was doing an amazing job of not letting on when she and I would talk.  Of course, this explains why after she came out I didn’t hear from her too regularly.  I wondered why…now I know.  When she did call she didn’t sound drunk – maybe she wasn’t….maybe she waited until we had had a chat before drowning her sorrows.

I cannot wrap my brain around this.  How does a person decide all on their own to go check into rehab, go through the process of detox and 3 days after coming home already head right back down that rocky path?  I had finally stared to feel like our conversations were better, more like they have been in the past.  Until night before last when a phone call came around dinner time.

She began the conversation by asking what I was doing?  “Finishing up dinner”, I told her.  “Well where are you – can you talk?”  I agreed to talk as I had literally one bite left.  She started out telling me that she’d had a tough session with her therapist that day and a bit about how she was feeling about men.  At this time she seemed teary but not inebriated.

Then I heard a familiar and unsettling sound on the other end of the line….drinking…a kind of slurping sound.  I’ve heard that before and my heart began to sink as I knew where this was going. I waited a few minutes and as the time passed her words became slurry, I recognized some of the responses she made.  More importantly the tone started to become hateful, accusatory.  I recognized that she was in a full blown state of being stink punch-drunk.

When I questioned it – if she was drinking and told her she sounded drunk she denied it. Liar!  A short time after I questioned it she said, “You sound distrustful!”.  My reply?  “Why because I think you are drunk?”  Kai, “yep, yep, yep, (clears her throat) I’m NOT”.  The conversation ended when she became angry and hung up on me – questioning if I was going to call a friend/neighbor of hers who could check up on her and who I now know could divulge that she’d already been drinking 3 days out of rehab.

I didn’t call that friend but her Dad did.  We got the scoop and stared at each other with space like eyes.  After he hung up we scratched our heads and sat outside to listen to the crickets.  My phone rang….I cringed.  Not willing to try to communicate with a drunk – it simply is a waste of time and energy, which by this time I was already low on.

Those hateful, spewing words began to flow from her mouth.  I told her, ” I won’t talk to you in this state.  I love you and would enjoy a conversation when you are sober.  I will not allow you to be hateful to me.”  Then she started in on running her mouth about how her Dad is so stupid and doesn’t understand anything and always – (yes always) says the wrong things.  I backed him up with this response – “you don’t like that he calls it like it is”.  This pissed her off even more, too bad.  I told her I had to hang up and would talk to her the next day if she was sober.

These are the nights that falling asleep and resting comfortably are impossible.  I had a big day following and so I made the decision to shut my phone off so that she could not disturb me at 2 a.m.  I must be feeling stronger in the boundaries I’m trying to implement because I didn’t even feel guilty doing it!

The next afternoon, late in the day she called.  She wanted me to talk her off of a ledge…she wanted to call W.  If you’ve read my previous posts – we all know this is a ludicrous idea.  Teary sounding…after a few minutes it seemed as if she’d been at the bottle yet again – but not as bad as the night before.  This time when I questioned it her response was honest, “yes”.  A sad sounding admission.  Could this be progress in the right direction again?

Fingers crossed…….

 

Coming Home From Rehab

Unknown

My heart broke the entire time Kae was at the rehab facility because I am so far away I was never able to visit her or attend any of the family sessions.  I feel her Dad and I missed out on valuable info that could help us support her in recovery.

Have you attended these types of meetings? Do you have experience with this?  Can you pass along any info, suggestions, tips or hints around this subject?  I’d be eternally grateful to hear from you.

Since she’s come out she has shared with me that I need to know I cannot help her- only support her in recovery.  I understand that – I spent an immeasurable amount of time trying to “help” all to no avail.  I can’t help but wonder though, are there things I shouldn’t say?  Are there subjects to be avoided?

She’s mentioned “triggers” – conversations or such that may make her wish for a drink of alcohol.  I remind myself this is not my responsibility to prevent this but hers.  A mother’s love runs so deep it’s damn near impossible for her to yearn to be certain not be the person who says or does something that may pull one of those triggers.

Boundaries – it’s about boundaries.  She knows where she needs to set her boundaries.  Kae told me she learned tons about setting her own boundaries at rehab.  Are there any for her parents?

So many questions…….