Here’s a big question – can I enjoy a glass of wine or a cold beer without feeling guilty? How does this work? I am not the one with an addiction. It’s not a question of not drinking when I’m with my daughter, that seems like the logical and loving road to take when we are together.
For me, I have this knot about drinking when I am not with her. I feel a bit guilty but I don’t know why? I guess it’s from memories of way back when – when she didn’t have a problem. When we could have one glass of wine with lunch and move on. ONE! When we took a cooler of beer to the beach and it lasted all day among several adults. When we celebrated a birthday with a few of glasses of bubbly and nobody got drunk. Remembering those joyful and fun times…I honestly think having fun at all – alcohol or not makes me feel guilty. SO. Maybe I just answered my own question – I need to move beyond being so engaged with her life and remember that I have no reason not to enjoy mine.
Have you traveled this road? Do you have experience with a loved one who has a problem with alcohol? Do you drink in front of them? Do you avoid it like the plague? Does the alcoholic ever reach a stage where they simply don’t have any desire to take a sip of alcohol and don’t have a problem being around those who do drink?
I have so many questions but these seem so pressing..
When Kae comes to visit do we hide every bottle of alcohol in the house? It seems so tempting to just dangle that carrot out there in front of her…like setting her up to fail. No loving parent would do that on purpose.
How do we handle the “family”. Not our immediate one but the extended aunts, uncles, cousins? I know it is her choice to divulge her stint in rehab or not. If she chooses not to share then they are not given the opportunity to choose abstinence – if she fesses up I think most would be fine not indulging when with her.
I’d love feedback if you’ve been down this road!